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The Maid-Here

Panis divisus subsp. iowaensis

These are, like, an old Iowa thing that you find around the Midwest. People call them Maid-Rites, loose meat sandwiches, tavern sandwiches, Nu-Ways, and probably some other names nobody bothered to put on the internet. Taylor Maid-Rite was founded back in 1928, and I guess they franchised out. Wikipedia says that they pioneered drive-in fast food and that A&W and White Castle copied them. Is that true? I don't know.

Anyways, they say that if it’s not a Maid-Rite, it’s not made right, and I’ve never been to Iowa, so I can’t really argue with that. We’ll call these Maid-Heres, because I made them right here.

Five things I know about Iowa off the top of my head right now:

  1. gender identity protections were removed from the Iowa Civil Rights Act in March of 2025 (boo!)
  2. they keep voting for chuck grassley, for some reason
  3. corn
  4. corn
  5. corn
  6. corn
  7. corn
  8. corn
  9. corn
  10. corn
  11. corn
  12. corn
  13. corn
  14. corn
  15. corn
  16. soybeans
  17. corn
  18. corn
  19. corn
  20. corn
  21. corn
  22. corn
  23. corn
  24. corn
  25. corn
  26. corn
  27. drugs
  28. corn
  29. corn
  30. corn
  31. corn
  32. corn
  33. corn
  34. corn
  35. corn
  36. corn
  37. corn
  38. corn
  39. corn
  40. corn
  41. corn
  42. corn
  43. corn
  44. corn
  45. corn
  46. corn
  47. corn
  48. corn
  49. corn
  50. corn
  51. corn
  52. corn
  53. corn
  54. corn
  55. corn
  56. corn
  57. corn
  58. corn
  59. corn
  60. corn
  61. corn
  62. corn
  63. corn
  64. corn
  65. church
  66. corn
  67. corn
  68. corn
  69. corn
  70. corn
  71. corn
  72. corn
  73. corn
  74. corn
  75. corn
  76. corn
  77. corn
  78. corn
  79. corn
  80. corn
  81. corn
  82. corn
  83. corn
  84. corn
  85. corn
  86. corn
  87. corn
  88. corn
  89. corn
  90. presidential candidates deepthroating corndogs (GOD BLESS AMERICA 🇺🇸)
  91. corn
  92. corn
  93. corn
  94. corn
  95. corn
  96. corn
  97. corn
  98. corn
  99. corn
  100. corn
  101. corn
  102. corn
  103. corn
  104. corn
  105. corn
  106. corn
  107. corn
  108. corn
  109. corn
  110. corn
  111. corn
  112. corn
  113. corn
  114. corn
  115. the dudes from that american pickers show live there, and my dad is really into that show. there's also a fanbase of middle-aged women who religiously watch the reruns and think that the guys are in lavender marriages and use the antiquing roadtrips to spend time together. i've spoken to a number of these women. this is their Larry

i'd put a midwest emo song here because iowa's in the midwest, but i don't know any bands from iowa, so you have to settle for this chuck grassley video

 

the loose meat

This is, like, the heart and soul of the sandwich.

WHAT YOU NEED

  • 250g ground beef
  • 50g finely minced yellow onion
  • 150ml beef stock
  • 1 tsp yellow mustard
  • 1 tsp soy sauce
  • 1/2 tsp white sugar
  • 1/2 tsp granulated garlic or garlic powder
  • salt and black pepper to taste
  • butter

    • __________________

HOW-TO

  1. Heat a pot over medium and add your butter. Add the onions, salt lightly, and let cook until they turn translucent.
  2. Toss in the beef and mix in all of the remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil and let it cook down until all of the liquid has disappeared. Make sure you break up the beef the whole time. You want very small pieces.
  3. When the liquid has disappeared, the beef will start crackling in a mixture of butter and its own fat. Let it brown nicely.
  4. Adjust the seasoning if necessary, and you're done!

The Maid-Here

The main event! When I took a bite of this, my first thought was that this is the kind of shit Sam and Dean would eat. They're always in shitty corn country and rust belt towns, those guys. You just know that they've eaten Maid-Rites, just at a glance. It's the way they stand, and the homophobic attitudes simmering underneath all that tough-guy bullshit. I never believed for a second that they weren't phobes, and I watched that show anyways. These guys don't eat vegetables, just their own feelings. I want to throw trash at them. I usually write sandwich recipes to make one sandwich, but I wrote this one for two because of them.

WHAT YOU NEED

  • 2 hamburger buns
  • 1 batch of loose meat
  • butter
  • yellow mustard
  • pickled cucumber slices
  • minced raw onion, if you like

    • __________________

HOW-TO

  1. Toast your burger buns, butter them up, and squirt a zig-zag of mustard on the bottom bun.
  2. Assemble the sandwiches. From bottom to top, add the meat, a second zig-zag of mustard, optional onions, and the pickle slices.
  3. Wrap each sandwich up and eat carefully, because they get messy.

NOTES

  • https://archiveofourown.org/tags/American%20Pickers%20RPF/works
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