★·cucumber·lounge·★・゚

what i do for canker sores

artist's rendition

I get a lot of cankers because I'm always stressed out! A lot of people I know also struggle with them. When I talk about thisONE WEIRD TRICK THAT DOCTORS HATE, though, people always seem confused. I always kind of figured it was a common trick, but I suppose it's not. (This isn't medical advice, by the way. It's an autoethnography.)

Potassium alum (ATTN nerds: the chemical formula is KAl(SO4)2·12H2O) is an astringent chemical often found in styptic pencils or alum blocks (like barbers and straight razor dweebs use for cuts). Those are a little too unwieldy to shove in your mouth, though. This powder is a lot easier, and a lot more readily available. The intended use of this specific product is as a food additive. It makes pickles more crisp, I guess. I've never used it for that, though, so I can't confirm.

"How does it work?

I don't know? I'm not a doctor? Go talk to a scientist. I just put the painful pickle powder on my gums and the stuff goes away.

"Is it dangerous?

I don't know? I'm not a doctor? Go talk to your doctor. I just put the painful pickle powder on my gums and the stuff goes away.

"Are you giving me medical advice?

I am not. I have never given anyone medical advice. You'd be a moron to take medical advice from me. I am telling you what I do for purely anthropological reasons. Are you going to read "Symbolic Wounds: Puberty Rites and the Envious Male" and go subincise your dick? Probably not, right?. If you put alum in your mouth because an internet person said they did it, then that's on you. Should've taken phys anth instead.

anyways,

 

WHAT YOU NEED

  • alum
  • water or saliva
  • __________________

HOW-TO

  1. Pour a glass of water. Room temperature is best. If it's cold, it will hurt more.
  2. Lick the tip of your finger and dip it in the alum. It should stick.
  3. Press your fingertip directly against the canker. Rub it around gently so the alum sticks. (This will taste really weird and also hurt.)
  4. Close your mouth, keep your tongue away from the canker, and count to 60. (This will hurt.) (don't cry lol)
  5. Rinse your mouth out with water and spit. Repeat a couple times, until the taste is out. Your canker will either hurt really badly, or it will be numb.
  6. Wait 24 hours. Just live your life as normal. If it's not gone after 24 hours, repeat the process. It will be gone after 48.
  7. __________________

TIPS AND TRICKS

  • if you try this, it's at your own risk. also, it will hurt.